ANDREW WHITEHEAD
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​Andrew Whitehead's
Blog

Searching for Toyah Sofaer: born in Baghdad, buried in Chennai

9/3/2017

25 Comments

 
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This is the troubling story of Toyah Sofaer.  She died aged just 22 and lies in the tiny Jewish cemetery in Chennai in south India. Until a few weeks ago her family did not know that she had a marked grave. 

Toyah's life story has been pieced together with the help of her niece, Lydia Saleh, who lives in Toronto; and - through Lydia - of her father and Toyah's half-brother, Abraham Sofaer, now aged 94. For Abraham in particular, my discovery of Toyah's grave has allowed him an opportunity to recall a sister for whom he had a special affection. 'It has' - Lydia told me - 'brought Toyah back to life for my father after so many years'.

This story has never before been made public. I am sharing it now with the family's blessing.
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Last month, I came across (and blogged about) the last remnant of the Baghdadi Jewish community in Chennai - a small cemetery fronting onto a crowded market street a few minutes walk from Marina beach. Among the handful of gravestones is that of Victoria M. Sofaer, who died on 6 October 1943.

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There was a hint of mystery in this solitary gravestone - who was Victoria Sofaer, how did she end up in Chennai, how did she meet her death so young?

An internet search took me to a splendidly comprehensive genealogy of the Sephardic Jewish diaspora  in what was the Ottoman empire
 - and this told me that Victoria had been born in Baghdad and was known as Toyah. It also revealed that while her family knew that she had died in India within a year of arriving there, they didn't know exactly where and when. Through Alain Farhi, the impetus behind the family history site, I made contact with Lydia, who has been generous in sharing her knowledge of the Sofaer family history and contacting others in the family to check details.
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The story begins in Baghdad - and opens a window on the history of the Jewish community in that city, among them trading families with commercial links spreading across Asia to all the key ports of the British Empire in India and further east.  

Toyah's father, Menashi, was the main importer of food and drink in inter-war Baghdad. He ran the British General Supply Store (after 1941 Baghdad supplanted British in the company's name) which shipped in via Basra supplies of French brandy, English biscuits, Dutch beer, American cigarettes, Belgian chocolates, Swiss cheese, Ceylon tea, that sort of thing. Menashi had learnt about the import business in Rangoon, where the Sofaers were one of the principal trading families. He spent twenty years in Burma - but after his father's death in 1916, the family moved back to Baghdad (though an uncle remained in Rangoon).


Toyah was the second child of Menashi's marriage to Dina Shamash - her mother died while giving birth to her. Menashi went on to marry Dina's sister, Naima, and had three more children, of whom Abraham - just two years younger than Toyah - is the oldest and the only one still living.
Picture
Rashid Street, Baghdad, 1945 https://www.pinterest.com/pin/255438610088881666/

The Sofaers had several prime properties in Baghdad. One of them was on the main shopping street, Rashid Street. On the other side of the road was an Armenian-run ladies' wear shop.

Somewhere around 1939 or 1940, Toyah fell in love with an Armenian man from that family. The two met in secret. They were from different communities and different religions, and when Toyah's family found out about the relationship they were determined to put a stop to it. They sought to marry her to a suitable Jewish boy - but when Toyah rejected these suitors, they shipped her out to India.

In the early 1940s, Abraham Sofaer was living in Bombay - along with his older step-brother and an uncle. He had gone there to avoid military service in the Iraqi army. While in Bombay, the family traded in textiles which were shipped back to Baghdad.

Towards the close of 1942, Menashi and his wife turned up in Bombay with Toyah in tow. 'I felt there was something in Toyah, in her face and demeanour, that was very perplexing to me', Abraham recalls from the Toronto nursing home where he now lives.

'I was very bewildered to see her so transformed and I wondered what had happened to her. Her silence gave the impression that she was in complete shock. I felt there was something mysterious and unusual that I could not understand. She didn't utter a word to me and this saddened me greatly.'

After a while, Toyah and her parents moved on to another Indian city - Abraham didn't know which one. He never saw Toyah again. He was told she had died. Her parents returned to Baghdad.

Abraham knew nothing about Toyah's romance until - seeing his grief - he was told the full story by 'grand mere', the maternal grandmother he shared with Toyah. 'I happened to be the closest to Toyah among the whole family. I still wondered about the details which led to her demise and I still don't know all the facts.'

'I heard that the doctor who looked after Toyah in India felt the urge to tell the authorities about the serious decline of her health and the role her parents played in this matter. The doctor apparently did not pursue this idea. The Armenian lover also felt the need to alert the authorities in Baghdad about Toyah's deplorable condition and the role that her parents played in her health and incarceration. But for whatever reason, he did not go through with this idea either.'

So there was no public scandal or fall-out - even within the Jewish community in Baghdad, the romance was hushed up - no one talked of how Toyah had died, as her brother sees it, from a broken heart.

And there is another tragic aspect to this tale. I asked if the family had any photographs of Toyah. This is the photo that her niece, Lydia, sent me -
Picture

It shows three of the Sofaer boys - Elias, the oldest and tallest, Abraham, standing next to him and Jack, the toddler. It was taken in around 1927. Toyah would then have been 7. Why doesn't she feature in this professionally taken family photo?

Well, she did - she was standing on Elias's left. After her death, the photo was retouched to excise her likeness - you can still make out where her right arm overlapped with Elias's left arm - so that, in Lydia's words, 'there would be no reminder of the scandal and tragedy of her life'.

It was apparently a custom in Baghdad - a superstition - that when people died all the photos of them were disposed of. That may be why - much to Abraham's regret- there is no confirmed likeness of his sister. 

But Lydia did come across this wonderful photo taken in Baghdad probably in the early 1930s. The elderly woman with the stick is 'grand mere' Farha Shamash; the man on the extreme right is her husband Saleh Shamash. The woman leaning against a tree is Khatoun Meir, Toyah's aunt ... and the girl with wavy hair peeping out above her aunt's head may, just may, be Toyah Sofaer. 
Picture

'We have been given the rare chance to honour Toyah's memory by thinking and talking about her now', Lydia told me by email. 'We are truly grateful for that. Bringing back memories of his sister is incredibly important and moving for my father.'

'It is also  comforting to know that a gravestone was built for her with such care, love and respect.'
Picture
Picture

LATER (August 2017): this photo is not of Toyah Sofaer - but click here to see her aged about 14


​UPDATE: some more family photos


I've now received some more photos from Lisette Shashoua, not of Toyah but of members of her family, which I am posting here. Thanks Lisette! I've also included Lisette's description of the photo under each one.
Picture
On the left, Naim Shamash (he was the older boy on the tree in the photo above) - Naim was .the Uncle of Toya , Elias and Abe....and the father of Jimmy and David.; my aunt Renee, Toya's cousin, is next to him; then our grandmother Sarah Khatoun Meir; and an unknown person 
Picture
Our grandmother Sarah Khatoun with our grandfather Eliahou Meir in Nice around 1952
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My mother Mouzli Shashoua, the.daughter of Sarah Khatoun and cousin to Elias, Abe, Toya and Jack
25 Comments
Stephanie
9/3/2017 14:15:30

Amazing story and detective work. And you closed the circle for Toyah's half brother before he died. A gift out of the blue.

Reply
sampath kumar link
9/3/2017 14:41:33

Brilliant...You have done a great service to her family.This must have been a wonderful gift ...an unexpected one...I ould rate it as the best investigative story.What else can I expect from you Andy?

Reply
Lisette Shashoua Ades
9/3/2017 20:39:39

I am one of the cousins grand daughter of Sarah Khatoun Meir ....
And also the one who provided the picture ...I remember asking my Mom ( Mouzli ) who the girl was ...and she told me it was Elias Sofaer' s sister ...who passed away...she then quickly closed the subject ....

Reply
Lisette Shashoua Ades
9/3/2017 21:18:07

Thank you Andrew for giving Toya the homage she so well deserved ..I truly feel that she wanted her story to be revealed ....by the way Abe was the half brother of Toya And I guess also her stepbrother.

Now I know why Diana my friend, cousin and The daughter of Elias was given her name...it was Dina her grandmother...
Even Dina s name was not mentioned at home ...even though my grandmother Sarah Khatoun was very fond of her.
Menashy Sofaer then married Naima , Dina s sister and Toya s aunt and stepmother I guess ...I remember Naima ..Toya s Aunt and I guess stepmother .
This was the habit then ...to marry the sister when someone dies....I guess to be kind to her nieces and nephews ..

Reply
Andrew
10/3/2017 01:29:03

Thanks ever so much Lisette for the photograph and your memories. Are there any of ythe family still in Baghdad? or India?

Reply
bataween link
9/3/2017 23:28:01

Thank you for this tragic story which I had never heard about. Just to add that there was an exodus of Jews from Baghdad to India following the 1941 Farhud pogrom. My grandmother Khatoon Meir (in your second picture) moved to Bombay in 1942 with her children after a period in Iran. They seem to have returned to Baghdad when the war ended because some Jews found the business opportunities limited or because the atmosphere was tense (partition was imminent).

Reply
David Shamash
10/3/2017 16:01:38

My name is David Naim Shamash. I am the son of Naim Shamash whose picture is on three at the top of the photograph.
My father was Toya's uncle(the youngest brother of Dina and Naima). I have often heard my mother(Marcelle Shamash nee Bekhor) talk about Menashy and Dina and how Dina gave birth to Elias but died in childbirth and how Menashy went on to marry Naima, Dina's sister. Toya was never mentioned.
Now the jigsaw is slightly more clear . Was there a third child in addition to Elias and Toya?
I am especially grateful to Lizette for providing the priceless photograph of my grandfather Salah and grandmother Farha whom my parents used to take me and my brother Jimmy to visit when we were very young but whose faces I had forgotten.
My mother told me many stories about how wise Salah was and how he helped her in her very difficult relationship with her mother-in-law Farha(his wife).
Thank you Lizette.
Thank you Andrew.

Reply
Lisette Shashoua Ades
10/3/2017 18:41:00

No one from the family left in Baghdad or India ...
I did not see your question here Before emailing you .
You are welcome to add the detailed email I sent you it to the comments here .
An answer to David Shamash Dina only had Uncle Elias and must have died giving birth to Toya .

Reply
Andrew
11/3/2017 02:36:58

This is Lisette#s email that she mentions:

'Nobody from the family is left in Baghdad or Bombay ...

My grand mother Sarah Khatoun and her pre- deceased sister Dina are the only ones fr their brothers and sisters to be buried in Iraq along with their parents grandparents and ancestors ...dating all the way back to babylonian times ..

All their siblings were dispersed and are buried in different parts of the world...Israel, Canada , London and probably NewYork ..

As you may be aware all Jews from Arab countries were pushed out " ethnically cleansed" ...I for one, escaped through Kurdistan to Iran during the good times of the Shah ...in 1970 .
My parents were amongst the last Jews to leave ...they left in 1990.

As for Bombay ..Iraqi Jews who were able to obtain visas( many were denied ) .. during the second world war , went there to run away from the advancing Nazi regime in the middle East ..

Most of them went back to Iraq after 1945...mind you, my father s sister and brother continued living and eventually my Aunt Rosa Shashoua died in Bombay ...my Uncle Jacob Shashoua died in Puna and is buried there probably near the synagogue .which is called " the red building " cause it was made of red bricks ....
I know that, because i looked for him and saw him there ...while he was alive...

As for Toya ..I am an avid photo person ...and used to ask my Mom who everyone was in pictures...I know I asked her once who was in a picture and was told it was a deceased sister of Elias .
I cannot say 100 per cent that this was the actual picture...but from the actual collection of people in this one.. it makes sense that this should be her...cause I know everyone else in the picture...and i more or less have everyone elses pictures in later years......but was not aware Elias had a sister till my Mom told me so....so she is one of the few people I do not know ...

In this photo it makes sense because Toya was with her Aunt who is my grand mother ....her own grandmother and grandfather Grand mere and Sasson ...her own Uncle ;on the tree Naim Shamash, Toya s Uncle and the son of grandmere .He was younger than her ..and the other boy is her first cousin David Meir; who is also my Uncle and the son of Sarah Khatoun...so it is highly probable that this would be her...I have very few pics where I do not who the people in them are ...and I do have plenty ...!

You worded it perfectly though ..if her own brother cannot remember if for certain ....we cannot say we are sure .'

Reply
Lydia (Sofaer) Saleh
12/3/2017 05:29:34

Dear Andrew,
You did a fantastic job in putting this story together, tying in all the facts along with the uncertainties.
Since you discovered the gravestone, family members have connected with each other, thinking about Toya and gathering all the information they could find about her. With that information, you created a very touching portrait of Toya in the context of her time.
For my father, it has allowed him at the age of 94, to relate the history of the family as he saw it. He was able to provide details about his sister and her tragic circumstances and also describe the family business. Contributing to Toya’s story with these first-hand accounts was very gratifying for him. He was really moved by your writing, and feels it was Toya’s destiny that after all these years of being forgotten, she will now be noticed and valued through your words.
Thank you so much for taking an interest in Toya and for the honour of featuring her story in your blog. This was a truly a great gift to our family.

Reply
Bataween link
13/3/2017 16:23:40

i have just shown the photos to my 90-year old mother Bertha Meir Bekhor, daughter of Khatoon Meir and Toyah's first cousin. She says the girl in the picture is not Toya but khatoon 's younger sister Reina. The old man is not Baba Saleh and the boy on the left in the tree is Maurice Bekhor my father.

Reply
Lydia Saleh
13/3/2017 16:55:17

Reply
Nilita link
15/3/2017 21:30:16

Andrew, your story is like the Russian dolls, each opening out to reveal another. Anyone coming upon Ms Victoria Sofaer's grave may wonder about its placement in Chennai and wonder at her tragic death at such a young age. But no one would have taken the steps you did and uncovered her story, or her remaining family scattered around the world or have brought them together like this. It's a coming together of your curiosity and compassion made possible by the inter-connectivity of the world we inhabit. Who knows, her grave may still be visited some day by family members, her photograph found and Toyah remembered as she should have been all these years later? What a movie there is here, I might add!

Reply
Shruti
12/6/2017 10:59:12

Such a delight to have stumbled upon Toyah's story!

I wonder what had happened to Toyah's Armenian lover. Wonder what he have had to say.

Reply
Lydia Saleh
12/6/2017 12:37:13

Reply
Lisette Shashoua
12/6/2017 16:56:16

I unsubscribed by mistake ...please keep me on the emails listb

Reply
Kanwal
13/6/2017 15:16:32

what a wonderful but a tragic story. Andrew you have done a wonderful job to unearthed Toyah's memories . I am writer and going to write this story with my own feelings. And will dedicate to TOYAH

Reply
Andrew
9/7/2017 17:43:28

Looking forward to that Kanwal. AW

Reply
Reddy link
14/6/2017 10:49:17

Great Work Andrew, loved it.

Reply
Natalie Wood's poem
9/7/2017 17:42:42

Natalie Wood has been in touch saying she was moved to write a poem in response to reading Toyah's story. Here's the link to it:

http://perfectlywritepoetry.blogspot.co.uk/2017/07/restoring-miss-toyah.html#.WWJbyYjyvct

Reply
Marian Sofaer
18/2/2018 04:24:21

Well-done, Andrew! Thank you for all your research.
My husband Abraham David Sofaer, born in Bombay, is wondering if the Sofaer family in your blog was related to his great grandfather Abraham Sofaer who left Baghdad for Rangoon with his wife and son Isaac around 1880. Isaac and his brother Meyer (born in Burma enroute to Rangoon) built Sofaer's Building, still standing in Yangon.
--Marian (from California)

Reply
Lisette Shashoua
18/2/2018 05:39:28

Hello Marianne ...most likely it is the same Sofaer ..because the children of Menashy Sofaer were Elias , Dina , Abraham , Jack and the youngest was David....
Since men named their boys after their fathers and grandfathers ...your husband has the same repeated names so I would say very possible ...
As for family trees please check Alain Farhi s website ...it has extensive Iraqi family trees and people are often pleasantly surprised to find their names in there.. Please keep me posted ..
I think it is
Www.Farhi .com
Not too sure ...flowers of the Orient . Might be another website leading to this website
.

Reply
Lisette Shashoua
18/2/2018 05:43:44

Marion try the website

fleurs d' orient
I think that is another name to the same website
Good luck ..let me know

Reply
Marian
18/2/2018 18:24:50

yes, we are on the Farhi website.
I saw another Sofaer family on the tombstones in Rangoon, but I don't know if they are related to Abraham and Hannah, the parents of Isaac and Meyer.
Meyer's 1902 Rangoon ketuba lists him as Meyer Abraham Yitzhak Shlomo Sofaer, which we presume is his paternal line.

Reply
Lisette Shashoua
27/2/2023 14:08:53

Dear Andrew my friend sent me your story after more than ten I reread the comments and I remember after being told the girl in picture was not Toya I ended up sending you a different picture of Toya at my mother s wedding … I sent it to Lydia Saleh who showed it to her then 90 year old father who confirmed that that was his sister Toya .. in fact Lydia sent you a photo of her father happy 90 year father holding the picture of my mother s wedding ! I hope Lydia can still provide this photo
Lisette Shashoua
[email protected]

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