So, where's the beef? I love elections. It's politics in the raw. There's an excitement - an air of anticipation. But where is this election? Where are the canvassers, the posters in the window, the leaflets through the drawer?
True, if you ranked the most marginal constituencies, mine probably wouldn't be in the top 500. But I still expect a bit of action.
There's was just a smidgeon the other day when an elderly guy carrying a wad of leaflets got on my Northern Line carriage, shouted a few indistinct (I don't think flattering) words about Gordon Brown, canvassed one bemused commuter ... and then gave up. I never even discovered his party allegiance.
This evening, there was a bevy of canvassers outside the tube station handing out leaflets. Or so I thought. I've posted one here - it's to promote a local gym. Never mind 'Forget the Politics', for most people it's 'Forget the Election'. I feel a little cheated.
I am waiting for Saturday's 'Guardian' with even more excitement than usual. Put it another way, tomorrow the thud on the mat - always so much louder at weekends - will arouse a touch more than the customary Pavlovian saunter towards the front door.
The reason: I want a 'Step Outside, Posh Boy!' T-shirt, and I will be suckered to take part in whatever quiz, competition, lucky draw or other torment that fine liberal paper has devised to win one. I know I stand about the same chance as Huddersfield Town being promoted in one bound to the Premiership, but I'm still going to go for it.
For those who require it, here's the back story. On April Fool's Day, Thursday, the 'Guardian' published an immediately transparent but none the worse for that - after all the BBC's 'Spaghetti Tree' story of decades ago can't have fooled many but it has lingered in the popular memory - piece about Labour's new campaign posters. 'In an audacious election strategy, Labour is set to embrace Gordon Brown's reputation for anger and physical aggression, presenting the prime minister as a hard man, unafraid of confrontation ...'.
Of the posters accompanying the article, the most memorable is one of a moody, sullen, in yer face Gordon Brown with the legend: 'STEP OUTSIDE POSH BOY Vote Labour. Or else.' You do wonder whether it might deliver for the party!
According today's 'Guardian', mutations along these lines have gone viral. 'Shut it, you slag' ... 'DID YOU SPILL MY PINT?' ... and indeed '1 bottle of Buckfast 7.2 seconds. Vote Labour. Or I'll wreck your hoose.' You get the sort of thing.
John Prescott (and as far as I can gather, this isn't part of the April Fool stunt) tweeted that the 'Guardian' should offer 'Step Outside Posh Boy' T-shirts. '"You'll sell more 't' shirts than papers;"', he twerped. And hence, the 100 T-shirts to be won tomorrow. For gullible enthusiasts for political ephemera, it's a trophy to be prized - and of course worn.
Andrew Whitehead's blog
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